I Still Fear The Root of All Evil

I cannot eat blackberries; all I taste is the thorns
from the roadside ditch you drove us to where
the black snake slithered over my foot and I cried and you laughed and I was 8.

[Everyone occasionally does things that hurt others. But some do so far more often- and with far more consequences than the majority.]

You ate a berry and it dripped red from the corner of your mouth and
you were a disgusting bloated vampire and I was the last meal on Earth.

[Psychologists have long sought to understand the mental makeup of those who regularly cause harm.]

Even in daytime, the woods are terrifying.

[Many dark personality traits- including narcissism, spitefulness, and moral disengagement – have been identified through this inquiry.]

Once on a walk, I saw a fallen log and I felt
a spiritual attachment;
something awful happened here.
I hyperventilated the rest of the way.

[Not all bad people, in short, are the same.]

Even when I am at home, alone
I lock the bathroom door when I take a shower and
I cannot talk about the other things.

[“Machs”, as they’re known, join narcissists and psychopaths in the Dark Triad.
Many antisocial traits may share a common core: the “Dark Factor of Personality”, or “D”.

I still cannot say the special words only girls say- like
I deliberated for hours to type it and I am nauseous now and I want to delete it.

[It appears that may antisocial traits such as sadism and psychopathy- share it at their core.]

I have complexes, too.
Stage fright: I don’t sing anymore even though I know I’m not half bad;
since 9 years old, practicing for the contest I won first in county third in state:
you said not to quit my day job.

[Researchers have not only found that some people are especially inclined to hurt others, they’ve also identified patterns of harmful behavior associated with each trait.]

And word-count my secrets. Have this narcissism complex.
Didn’t win first in state but still proud.
That day, you read my journal to me out loud;
you said there were too many I (s).

You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you, don’t you?

You sang taunts for days and days.

[Now that D has been identified, research is needed on why it arises. Few things would improve society more than reducing the prevalence of the Dark Factor of personality.]

(I have never been so relieved to hear about your death plans.
Science deserves your body.)

-Jesse Haydn


Agoraphobia- fear of places or situations that make you feel trapped, helpless, or embarrassed
Teutophobia- fear of the German language or culture
Logophobia- fear of certain words
Monophobia- fear of being alone
Latrophobia- fear of going to the doctors
Nyctophobia- fear of night or darkness
Ophidiophobia- fear of snakes
Pedophobia- fear of pedophiles
Philophobia- fear of falling in love
Xenophobia- fear of strangers, or foreign things
Xylophobia- fear of forests
Fructophobia- fear of all or certain fruits

Published by Jesse Haydn Poetry

The written word is life. I am the proverbial poet-at-heart.

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